So yesterday and today have been exceptionally challenging for me. While I’m trying to write this in order as it happened from day one, it’s hard because life continues to happen currently. When you go through any traumatic event, days will seem fine. Other days, it takes everything you have to just get up and take a deep breath. Luckily, I have a lot of support and I have my faith in the Lord. Coming home after a long prison sentence has many challenges. You need to find a place to live, you need a job, you need to go see the doctor/dentist since the care you received wasn’t that great. There is also the changing of boundaries that need to be established. Let’s face it. I’m not the same person I was 3.5 years ago. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I’ve also learned to speak up for myself more. I’ve made a lot of great strides since I’ve been home, but others just seem to be moving at a snail’s pace. I need to remember that things are on God’s timing at not mine. Sometimes when we try to make things happen on our own time, that’s when things get really messed up. I’m learning to be patient and wait on God’s time. I’m learning to pray and ask for him to show me what he needs from me. Sometimes, it is just sitting back and taking a deep breath. It’s ok to not be ok all the time. Unfortunately, right now some of the wounds are being opened back up as part of the process of moving forward. The good thing I’m realizing is that I can now look at them from a different perspective. I don’t have a sentence hanging over my head. What i need to think about now is that having to look back is a glance to be able to move into a new chapter. I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring. I do know that I’m going to get up, just like I did today and press on. I’m excited about what’s next. The past will not define me.
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