How are YOU doing?

It’s been about 3 months since I’ve been home and so many things have happened and changed. I’m definitely excited about coming home, but what I didn’t anticipate was all the things that would occur in the little bit of time since I left SCI Cambridge. About 10 years ago or so I had my retina detach in both my eyes (separate occasions). I was home here about 2 weeks or so when I noticed something was wrong with my right eye. I knew deep down what was happening, I just didn’t want to accept that it was another retina tear. I had the original surgeries done by an excellent doctor, and even when a specialist I saw while I was in prison, he commented on it being the best job he had ever seen. I can’t see 100% out of my left eye due to scar tissue that occurred during the retina tear in that eye several years ago. I had a surgery to try to remove as much of it as possible, but my center vision is distorted somewhat. Oddly, I can see things normally if I close my right eye, and I can read my screen if I close my right eye. If I go into the eye doctor’s office and they put up that eye chart it all becomes a blur below a certain point. I’m thankful for what I can see and how I see it. When my retina tore again in my right eye, or good eye as I call it, I was really scared. I’m praying that nothing happens that distorts the vision in this eye. I had the surgery, they put oil in my eye that I’ll have removed very soon. On top of all of this, we are selling our home. I can get into that part in a later post. I unfortunately have not been able to help my husband and boys pack and move anything from that home. This is the second time we’ve had to pack and move over this ordeal, not including the sale of a vacation home we had. It has been stressful on me in a different way to only sit back and watch the three of them struggle and snap at each other because of the stress. The Lord has always spoken to me and by Tuesday night, I finally had enough. My stress was over the top and I was heading towards a panic attack. I was riding in the car and the Lord brought a funny memory to my mind. When I was growing up and even as an adult, I loved to camp. Being an avid camper, my family and I didn’t struggle as much setting up our tents and equipment as the folks that might go only occasionally. It was almost comical to sit at our site, all set up and the fire blazing watching folks pull in and unload the car. Then the bickering would start, and then escalate to the pot shots and name calling. While it was comical to us, it was extremely stressful for them. That wasn’t what they envisioned for their vacation. The imagined pulling in and the tent automatically setting up with no problems, the fire would light itself and in 10 minutes they’d be roasting marshmallows and the kids would be running around and laughing. Instead, it was utter chaos and by the end threats of divorce papers were thrown into the mix and insults to each other’s intelligence was questioned more than once. The beautiful children that you planned this for, were now just in the way and “needed to shut up and go sit down”. If you’ve ever camped, you’ve witnessed this scene. This is the scene the Lord put in my mind. The reason was because even though these families were frustrated with each other at the time, and we all get there, it’s just a blip in a moment of time. We’re allowed to get frustrated and upset. We’re only human. No one ever said that life was easy. I also think that times like this it’s when we learn the most and remember how much we really do need each other. It was also a reminder to me as well. When I came home, I was sad because my parents decided that they needed to move away for health reasons. I knew I wasn’t going to see them as often, but I also knew if it was better for them. I needed to give them that opportunity. It’s part of growing up, even if I am 51. What hurts me the most though is that I don’t think that my boys have yet realized that my husband and I aren’t getting any younger. While 50’s isn’t old, we are starting to see ourselves not being able to do some of the things we used to as easily as we used to. I have problems with my right hip because of a condition I was born with. I’m starting to get arthritis in this hip. The hip doesn’t need replaced but it hurts and bothers me sometimes. I just ask the Lord to give them reflection that as each day passes, they aren’t getting younger either. We all need to be kinder and gently to each other in this world. Everyone is so busy pointing what someone else has done or didn’t do-keeping score in the “game of life”. Well, it’s not a game. Games are supposed to be fun and it’s not fun getting old.