Bible Study

Is God taking you to the next level?

Before God takes you to the next level, he needs to separate you! Do you ever wonder why you “don’t fit in” or “why you were put in a situation you never ask for”? God is calling you to do something great. I know it doesn’t look like it right now, but he needs you to be focused on him and not the noise around you. He needs you to rely solely on him. He needs you to hear his voice and not the voice of everyone around you. God separates us for three reasons! (Isaiah 41:10) He wants to give us the tools for our destiny. 1. You’re not alone, you’ve been separated! 2. He wants you to clearly know his voice. (Proverbs 3:5-6) He wants to put us in a season where he can teach us now to know his voice and hear it. 3. To mold us in his image. When you make wine, you first need to crush the grapes. You crush those grapes and press them, but by doing so you are changing them into something totally different than what they started out as. God does that to us. He will press us and send us into intense situations to mold us into his image. Paul tells in Romans 5:1-5 that, “we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Perserverance builds character, and character builds hope. , character; and character, hope.”

Some of us have lost touch with the Fruit’s of the Holy Spirit. In Galatians 5:22-23 there is a list of 9 Fruit’s of the Holy Spirit that each of us were given:

Fruit of the Spirit list:

  1. Love
  2. Joy
  3. Peace
  4. Patience
  5. Kindness
  6. Goodness
  7. Faithfulness
  8. Gentleness
  9. Self-control

When I was sent to prison, I learned that I needed to work on a few of these on the list. Other items on the list, I was able to show other’s and what it looked like to be kind, gentle and have joy and love in their lives. I had a roommate once tell me that she was jealous because I had so many people that truly loved and cared about me. She didn’t know what that felt like. It made me so sad because that is the same sentiment that many people in prison have. They are so far detached from their family, friends and loved ones that people have stopped caring all together once they end up in a place like that. People would ask me why I was always so happy. I heard the expression before that “sometimes people don’t like you because your gifts and calling agitate their demons.” I can say I believe that to be 100% true. People will purposely try to tick you off or rain on your parade to see you miserable. Rebuke that noise in Jesus name and send it back where it came from! You have every right to be happy and at peace. As God starts to elevate you, you will start to see these fruits grow inside of you. You’re going to want to spend more time with him, you’re going to want to please him. You are going to start to see your interests change. There are going to be friends that you’ve had for years that are no longer going to be able to be in this new season of your life. There is a song by Hillsong that explains about the grapes to wine and how God will press us into something better. Are you willing to allow God to use you and make new wine out of you?

New Wine

Words and Music by Brooke Ligertwood

VERSE 1:
In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making new wine
In the soil I now surrender
You are breaking new ground

PRE-CHORUS:
So I yield to You and to Your careful hand
When I trust You I don’t need to understand

CHORUS:
Make me Your vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever You want me to be
I came here with nothing
But all You have given me
Jesus bring new wine out of me

VERSE 2:
In the crushing
In the pressing
You are making new wine
In the soil I now surrender
You are breaking new ground

VERSE TAG:
You are breaking new ground

BRIDGE:
Where there is new wine
There is new power
There is new freedom
The Kingdom is here
I lay down my old flames
To carry Your new fire today

@HillsongWorship

#Hillsong, #HillsongWorship, #NewWine, #Trials, #TrustinGod, #Pressure

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Journey of Faith

Vision

I recall when it was about to become the year 2020, everyone was saying that was the year for vision. As in seeing. 20/20. I can’t even recall the last time I was able to actually see that well, lol. Spiritually, however my vision has become a lot clearer. It’s been a rough couple of months since having to have two eye surgeries and not being able to properly see to read my bible. I don’t know that my corrected vision will ever be the same unfortunately. When we stay in God’s word and focus on him, the Holy Spirit leads us on the right path that we need to be taking. Psalm 119:105 tell us that “the word is a lamp onto my feet and a light onto my path.” When we stay in God’s word, it definitely keeps us on the right path and away from the devil.

The most recent eye surgery that I had, has left the vision in my right eye blurring but manageable. I’m very disappointed in the outcome and feel that I wasn’t told everything that could possibly happen. Otherwise, I may have chosen a different type of surgery to undergo to fix it. Before Thanksgiving, I had the oil removed in my eye that was inserted to fix the retinal detachment. I noticed immediately that things appeared to be hazy. I could see what looked like bubbles still floating around. I mentioned this several times to my surgeon, but he didn’t seem to be concerned. I finally took it upon myself to google, “hazy vision after oil removed from vitrectomy”. Wow, I was shocked to see a few things actually pop up. According to the website that I found, it all made perfect sense. Years ago, when I had my first retinal detachment, I had to then have cataract surgery. They implanted a lens. My guess is that they implanted a silicon lens, but I am not sure about that. What happens when they injected the oil into my eye for this last surgery, there is no guarantee to remove 100% of it. On top of this, the oil is known to adhere to the lens in cataract patients. Essentially, I am now walking around with a dirty lens. I saw the regular eye doctor 2 weeks ago and he confirmed my suspicions. I went back to re-read the article I read because he wasn’t sure what the plan of action would be to fix it. It was disheartening to read that they could “possibly” flush the eye, or I could end up having to have a lens replacement. The problem though is that if they don’t get the oil out 100%, this would just happen again. My eye Dr’s fear was that no other doctor would be willing to even try to replace the lens because of my history. I too think that it would be risky because if they removed the oil, there could be a displacement of fluid and then cause the retina to pull away again because of shrinkage. Lovely huh? Currently the best he was able to get my vision was 20/40. Even then, I struggle with very small print, and also some details. Certain letters, I mistake for another. For example, D look like O’s, R’s and P’s can be tricky. I now have to learn how to adjust my world around my new vision. I’m thankful to the Lord that I can still see and I’m not 100% blind. Had this all occurred in prison, I can assure you that I would be blind. Again, praise the Lord for bringing me home.

I can rely on the doctors to guide me to what happens next in my physical vision journey, I trust in the true healer and physician for my sight.

Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/accessory-close-up-computer-desk-265686/

#SpiritualVision, #Vision, #EyeSurgery, #TrustInTheLord, #TheHealer

Bible Study

The Devil’s Gateway

I have been sickened the last few weeks watching highlights of the Grammy’s, the Super Bowl half time show, as well as other highlights from various concerts and shows. I shouldn’t be surprised, but then again, I wasn’t as mature in my faith before as I am today in order to understand what I am seeing. Let me explain.

Our bodies are a fortress and belong to God. Like any fortress, we need to put gates up to close access to the enemy (or Satan) from being able to gain access. A gate protects. So what entrance ways am I referring to? There are the eyes, nose, mouth, touch, ears. We can do simple things to protect these areas like, walking away from gossip, choosing to not watch a certain show or listen to a certain broadcast, etc. These seem easy enough, but Satan knows that, so he finds ways to infiltrate in a way that we don’t easily notice. I’m going to refer you to another site: https://stonetablet.org/protecting-the-gates-the-ear-gates-part-3/ where you can read more about what I’m trying to explain here. I strongly encourage you to do your own research as well to be better informed.

When I was in prison, I had a roommate start to tell me about how many of the stars, actors, actresses and musicians belong to the Illuminati. I thought she was joking. I had heard about them before, in the news, on the History Channel and after reading Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. Now that I’m home, this is all that I am hearing about. These people are coming out on stage to accept awards, sing and perform and the first thing they do is make this triangle sign with their two hands lifting it up above their heads. (You can see some more demonic symbolism here: https://www.themystica.com/satanic-symbols/). I had not watched the Grammy’s this year but was horrified to see people I enjoy listening to dressed like demons and just being blatant about it. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, Sam Smith’s performance was nuts. (https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/sam-smith-demonic-performance-leaves-many-grammy-viewers-horrified). I have recently seen videos of a concert by The Weeknd subliminally flashed the word SATAN during a concert in 2017. So, Rhianna’s Super Bowl half time show didn’t surprise me when she came out decked in all red and flashed the illuminating sign prior to signing. Even her eye looked filled with evil. I like Rhianna’s music and the Holy Spirit convicted me so much that I couldn’t watch it. Perhaps people either chose to not see what’s happening now, or maybe as a society we have grown callus and insensitive. Why has this become so normal that they can just waltz out on stage and perform a satanic ritual in front of the world? Ironically, there was a commercial that playing during the Super Bowl that was in reference to Jesus. That received a LOT of backlash. (ps://www.huffpost.com/entry/jesus-super-bowl-ads-backlash_n_63ea6463e4b022eb3e31aabb). So, if we want to believe that everyone can worship who they want, then why the fuss about this ad? Why the acceptance of these performers worshiping Satan? You can’t have it both ways!

We as a society have pushed God so far out of our lives, out of everything we do that we can’t be surprised when he doesn’t rush to our aid. We have made him second fiddle and only call on him when we need him. Our country was founded on trusting in him, and yet we’ve allowed him to be removed from everything. It only seems fitting that Satan would use music to entice us to him. Many don’t realize that Lucifer was the angel of music.

Photo by Mo Eid: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-in-black-shirt-walking-on-sand-8347501/

#Satan, #SatanicWorship, #2023SuperBowl, #Grammys

Journey of Faith

This isn’t easy

Again, I’m sorry for leaving you all hanging for so long. The title says it all. This isn’t easy. After everyone left to take NA home, it was just myself, my husband and our younger son. We stood there for the longest time just staring at each other. Wondering if what just happened, actually happened. My husband started then texting our oldest son who again was away at cheer champ. He was almost 2 plus hours away from home. My husband starts laying into him about why his friends were still at our house? Why were they still here? Did he know they were here drinking? It was 20 questions crammed into text after text from my husband to our son. Needless to say, he was clueless and had no idea what we were talking about. While we are texting him, he starts texting a group chat to his friends. I have a copy of the text that was NOT allowed into evidence. Again, we don’t understand why. Our son proceeds to ask, “what were you guys at my house”? To which a few responded that it wasn’t them because they weren’t there, or they were at work (DG for example). SH started texting and stated, “Dude why are you mad at me, I’m sober AF”. I think this statement said it all right there. He was sober as Fu##! We didn’t know about this text message until after the fact. I’m not sure since what happened next, that my son recalled even sending it. My husband and I decided to order pizza because after all of this, I was not in the mood to cool. We were still trying to gather our thoughts on what to do next. As far as we knew, everyone left and went to NA’s house with NA’s dad and sister to get NA home. We were no longer in charge or “care” of them. They were now in the “care” of NA’s parents. They stayed at NA’s house for maybe half an hour. I was under the impression they drove there, but later it was said that they didn’t drive there. They rode w/ NA’s sister. (She was never called upon to testify on my behalf or the states-isn’t that odd?) While they were at NA’s house, DG called to see where everyone was. Someone texted him to state what happened and so he apparently went to the A’s home. He then drove SH, NM, and CH back to our house to retrieve their cars. Let’s stop here for moment. Think about everything that has happened in this time frame and the amount of people that they have been around, including CH and DG. Even if you took CH out of the mix since he was at the house w/ SH and NA that day, that leaves DG, NA’s mom, dad and sister, and my husband and I all seeing them. That’s six of us that saw them, talked to them, spent time with them. All saw them carry a huge kid who was intoxicated into his parents’ home. Remember prior to this DH and CH took our youngest son w/o permission to a convenience store. So, anyone at that store or waited on them saw them. That’s a LOT of people from approximately 4:30ish until they left our house around 6:00pm. So, they came back to our house to get their cars. CH never came back inside. We never saw him again after that. DG lied in court to say that he came back to the house and heard me tell my husband that in front of NA’s Dad “I’m the boss and we do what I say”. This appeared in the paper I believe, and several people asked us about it. He wasn’t even there when NA’s dad was at our house. I also don’t speak this way to anyone, let alone my husband of 29 years. You don’t stay married for 29 years talking to people like that. SH did come back inside with NA for a few minutes. We were still in shock. We asked them to sit down. We wanted answers. We again asked what happened and why they were at our house. SH answered telling us the exact same story NM told us earlier. That NA grabbed a bottle of rum, guzzled it and no one could stop him. I said you know he could’ve died. Why did you not call us or your parents? They had no answers. I did tell them that I was going to talk to their parents about what happened. NM was very upset. Knowing what we know now, I understand he had reason to be worried. My husband asked both of them if they had been drinking that day and they both said no, only NA. I even said, please tell us the truth because at this point the jig is up. I just need to know if you’re intoxicated or not. Neither appeared to be. Neither smelled of alcohol and the house when we got home did not look like a party occurred. There was nothing displaced, no trash, nothing. Only people who didn’t belong. I’m still confused how they left the house that day not once but 3-4 times and came back, and it was NOT considered trespassing. It was even thrown in our face that DG had the garage code. He had it because there was a time or two when we let the dogs out when were away for the day. We’d pay him to do so. I believe that giving someone permission to enter your home once isn’t a carte blanche forever. SH and NM walked outside because SH was getting texts from his dad. Eventually his dad called him when they walked outside to say goodbye to our youngest son. His dad told him to get home he had chores and his parents wanted to see him before going to a football camp later in the week. Now here’s something that wasn’t brought up either. His dad was asking him why it was taking so long. SH told him that they had to help with NA and what happened, He told his dad that they had to take him home because NA’s dad wouldn’t come get him. Hmm.. So, if he told his dad what occurred that day, why did his dad not call us fuming and asking us questions? Why did he call NA’s dad fuming? We heard through the grapevine that for the longest time SH’s dad was pissed at NA’s dad because of all of this. Until I guess they decided to throw shade my way and make me the fall gal. But heah, later the parents all claimed they had no idea about this, about the past, everyone all of a sudden became ostriches with their heads in the sand.

Photo by Olena Bohovyk: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-holding-black-iphone-3883857/

Journey of Faith

Thank you

Sorry, that I haven’t posted as often as I should be. This next piece is very difficult for me, so I need to make sure that the words that I write, express the right things. I can’t tell you how overwhelmed I’ve been with all of the support that I’ve received from my blog. I’ve known who has supported me through this entire ordeal, but to see people I don’t know has been uplifting. As I continue to post and provide the story in my own words to you, the reader I need you to know something. I’m worried and afraid. From the time that all of this came out after the arrest, the victim’s families have been relentless. They have contacted the DA, probation, now parole, and anyone they can to spew lies to hoping for someone to believe them. Unfortunately for someone like me, victims have a lot of sway due to law in Pennsylvania giving them a “Bill of Rights”. (https://www.pccd.pa.gov/Victim-Services/Documents/Bill%20of%20Rights.pdf#:~:text=Passed%20by%20the%20Pennsylvania%20Legislature%20in%201976%2Cthe%20Pennsylvania,of%20crime%20support%20a%20program%20to%20benefittheir%20victims.) I completely get it, and if I was on that side of the fence, I would want protection and rights too. The problem occurs when some take advantage of it for their own gain. So much so that my attorney at the time had to send a letter to the DA’s office asking for the one mother to be investigated for infringing on my due process by not allowing witnesses to talk be questioned. Also, by threatening them in various ways if they did. I have the letter my attorney sent; however, nothing was ever done about it. She went on to then purchase roundtrip airfare for DG’s sister to fly home. When he was questioned about it in court, he got irate with my lawyer stating, “it was none of his damn business”. Until the Judge told him he had to respond, to which he said, “yes”. The two mother’s purchased lavish gifts for some, including engraved watches and paid for graduation parties for at least two of them. That was laughed off by the DA/Judge because they didn’t’ get to do this with their own children. No! That’s not ok, they were witnesses in a criminal investigation. NO ONE should have been able to have access to witnesses let alone buy them off. (This was all recorded in court by the court stenographer). They were all hanging out, exchanging stories I’m sure, and attending gatherings together. When I was originally arraigned. I was told to not have ANY contact with the victim’s, their families, directly or indirectly. The only information the lawyer was given at the time was a paper with initials on it. No names. So, some of the people I had no idea who they actually were. (The DA will claim that I did and basically make it seem like i was playing dumb). I honestly didn’t know who some of them were, even after receiving actual names. Remember CS, how I told you the guys stopped hanging around him because he was smoking weed? Well, I was friends well most all of these people on Facebook. Most either by this point blocked me or I blocked them. However, since there were some, I wasn’t sure if I did miss one or two. One of the boy’s parents posted a picture on Facebook and I commented on it. I then started chatting with her on messenger. I don’t recall the exact conversation, but it eventually ended with me asking if they’d be willing to talk to my lawyer. I was wrong about this person 1000% and the entire thing was bait. Dummy me took it. Next thing I know we were back in court to have to now report to pretrial probation. Unfortunately for my husband, he did too even though he did nothing wrong. I was the one that conversed with her. The argument however was that we had no idea WHO the victims were because we never received a list from the DA’s office. They didn’t care. So, when we reported to the probation office, they asked what happened. She asked me who the victims were so they could update their system. I explained to them that we didn’t know. She asked if we had the list, they gave us. We said, that’s the problem. We never received it. She looked online and through the paperwork. She said, you are correct. There is NOT a list anywhere. She said how where you supposed to know who not to talk to? EXACTLY!!! Nevertheless, we both stayed on pre-trial probation until the actual trial/sentencing. This then opened the door for the one mother to find anything possible to snag me on, hoping I’d end up in jail pre-trial. I closed down my social media pages so there would be no issues there. I provided proof of doing so to my probation officer. I’m sitting at work one day and get a call from my PO that I need to come in asap. There’s a problem. She knew it was BS. I still had to leave work and go in to address the problem though. Someone from my lawyer’s office met me there. Apparently, in messenger there was an email chain that included this one mom. At one time, I was part of this chain as well since back then were all friends. Another person used this old message chain and somehow tagged this mom with it. Well, she said I was contacting her. You could clearly see the message didn’t come from me. We have no idea how or why it occurred, but it was resolved that IT WAS NOT ME. That evidently ticked her off, because then not long after I get called again. This time by my PO’s supervisor. I have to come in for an administrative hearing. This was in front of the Judge. Someone went to great lengths to actually set up another Facebook account with my name. The problem was that it wasn’t spelled correctly, there was no photos and no friends attached to it. My Facebook was still showing as turned off. I had several people go in and try to look to see if I was showing up on their friends lists etc. I wasn’t. They had no proof where this new page came from. Again, my PO knew that it was garbage because heck someone with my same name in another state could have started setting up a page. I would have gotten no benefit from opening another page. You can’t see much if people have their privacy set to certain things. My lawyer and PO even said that I could have had better luck just using someone else’s page to go on and be nosey. The Judge ignored it. What we did find out though is that the other victim’s family has a relative that works in the probation office. I immediately brought that to my PO’s attention and my lawyers. Technically in my opinion my probation then should have been transferred to somewhere else to be handled. No one cared. When I was finally sentenced and sent to jail to start my prison sentence, they no longer had access to me. They weren’t satisfied with the fact that I was already behind bars. Instead, they decided to now go after my oldest son. It started by stating that he showed up at some address where her son was at this particular day. She said that my son pulled up and got out of the car and threatened her son that if his mom didn’t back off that he would hurt or kill him. (I can’t recall which, but she claimed he threatened to harm her son). She filed a protection order against my son to stay away from the entire family, not be within so many feet, etc. Of course, she then made sure that it was published in the paper by her news reporter friend at the time. My husband and son showed up to court and was told to basically accept it and move on. She had no proof he said this, no witnesses, no proof her son was at this house or that my son showed up at this house. We had proof that in fact it was impossible for my son to be there because he was with my husband and my in-law’s eating crabs. Prior to that he was working. After receiving his PFA, a few weeks or so later he went to a high school football game. Next thing he knew, he received a call from the High School resource officer that she was claiming he followed her son around the stadium, stalking him, harassing him, etc. She was trying to get him arrested for violating the PFA. The resource officer called us because he wanted us to know that he already contacted the DA’s office. Why? he went in and pulled the video footage for the entire evening. He said that our son arrived at the stadium, walked over to the bleachers, sat down, talked to some friends and left. Her son was nowhere in sight! She would never be held accountable for filing false reports. They didn’t care. Just take the lumps and move on. The paper wouldn’t rescind the story because, “people don’t want to know the truth.” Remember, I told you that before? Well, here it is. They eventually stopped bothering us. The PFA ended when her kids graduated school. My best friend, who WAS her sister made sure that the Judge, DA and anyone who listens knows that this lady is NO LONGER her sister. She wanted to be sure that her and her family weren’t somehow included in that PFA. My best friend has stood by us even to this day. She even made sure to call my current parole officer to let him know who she was and filled him in on some of the details she felt they needed to know. Every day, I would pray for everyone involved in this entire situation. Why? When you let stuff like this fester in you, and you don’t forgive people, you are the one that suffers. You forgive for yourself, so that you can have peace. Otherwise, not forgiving is like getting up and drinking poison hoping that someone else gets sick from it.

Journey of Faith

The night before

After getting home from work and adjusting to being back after a week in paradise. Ugh. We just wanted to come home and fall asleep. Our son started pestering us if his 5 closest friends could come over for the night. I repeatedly said NO! After, being bugged for the longest time I finally said to him, “Look! you need to get at and be at the school the next day before 7am. I need to get to work and so does your dad.” He proceeds to tell us that the guys just want to come over and see each other because they won’t be able for almost 2 weeks. It was a week with him being away prior, the one boy, NA was leaving I believe it was that Wednesday for a week’s vacation. One boy was going to a football camp for a college that was scouting him. Also, that the next day NA, NM, and SH had to go to football practice at the High School. One boy CH was going home, and the other DG had to be at work that morning super early. I asked then why they wanted to come over if they all had plans? He said because they wanted to see each other. I was told they were going to be watching movies in the basement and then go to sleep. We had an above ground pool. Our son, NA and their girlfriends were swimming before the other guys came over later. I believe that NM, CH, and DG came close to 7ish. By this time, no one was swimming. No other people were there, and no one showed up that I or my husband was ever aware of. In fact, I was in bed and never saw SH come in. My son came up some time around 9-10ish to see if I could take his girlfriend and NA’s girlfriend to her house. He didn’t realize that I went to bed. He never asked me to take her home, I assume her parents were coming to get her. I knew they weren’t spending the night. What happened was that SH arrived and our son then asked if he could help him take the girls to his girlfriend’s home to drop them off. SH was his girlfriend’s cousin. I was then told by her mother, that when they boys got there, they came inside for a little bit. SH hadn’t seen the parents in a while and wanted to say hello. Her mother testified that neither appeared to have drank or to be intoxicated. Neither girl came to their house smelling of booze, wasn’t drunk, etc. They stayed there and chatted about a half hour or so with her mom and the dad popped his head out to say hi. The boys left and returned to our house. Now this part confuses me a lot and I’ll tell you why it makes NO sense to me! SH’s house was 19.9 miles one way or 30 minutes one way to our house at the time. Apparently, he had just came from there before realizing he was going to be asked to take the girls home. The girl’s house was maybe 15 minutes away in the opposite direction-one way. The DA claims, that the kids said that night that SH, left our house. He drove then to beer distributor that I mentioned before that he’d go to in another county (and was caught at by a family member). Depending on which way he took, he would take him 40-50 minutes one way from our house at the time to this beer distributor. Not only that, but according to their hours now, they close during the week at 9pm. He never dropped of the girls until almost 10! That’s simple police work so someone is lying! To pad the case, what they then did was had the kids say that the alcohol that. I so stupidly bought in April had leftovers. That was what they were drinking. Um, no that’s not the case either, Sir! What I did provide to my attorney and AGAIN IT WAS DISREGARDED was screenshot of a text message where CH went to this same beer distributor and purchased a case of beer just a day or so before. He was questioned on the stand if he knew where this place was and he said, “um, uh..I’m not sure, I believe it’s across the Norman Wood Bridge somewhere”. Well, he knew where it was when he shared a text with his buddies bragging how he purchased a case of Bud. (I apologize the quality is poor because it’s a screenshot of a screenshot). I was NOT part of this text. I was given this by someone who was. So, it would be nice if this person was reasked, “do you know where this business is? I advise you not the lie under oath!”.

So again, according to the police/DA and these kids that were now changing stories about what occurred they stated that several people came over that evening of the 14th. If you listened to the story in court, they were apparently drinking around a campfire, jamming to loud music (which would have been right outside my bedroom window), but apparently, I was awake, and they were walking around the house back and forth to the basement with drinks. I believe the did try to state that my husband was sleeping. Which again begs the question, wouldn’t he have heard the noise and came out to see, “what was going on?” So, I can assure you that there was no loud party going on. Do I believe it’s possible people can be at your house, and you don’t know? Yes, I can. After, I was arrested, someone was talking to me about their son. They happened to mention in the conversation how their son got up and went to work. She thought she was alone. She went to the basement to do laundry and here a friend of his was sleeping. He was at work! Now again, this was a person who they knew well. So, I stopped, and I looked at her. I said so you had no idea he came over, and that he was there? Do you know if they were drinking the night before? She said no. (Now her son was of ae, but she knew why I was asking). I was trying to make a point. I remember growing up and I would go to my one friend’s house that lived a few blocks away. There were times her parents went away or mine would go away. No one ever thought anything of it. So, to me being raised this way-I didn’t find this strange at all. There was no beer cans or trash thrown around. No loud music. That next morning, I woke up and got ready for work, my husband was up getting ready, one boy left like he said he was going to. That was DG. My son came upstairs and said he was ready. I was worried I was going to have a hard time waking him. He told me again that the other 3 guys were getting up soon to leave for football practice. The other CH was going home. I dropped my son off at the High School before 7am on the 15 of June, 2015. I was to work on time and thought it was just another day.

Photo by Florencio Rojas: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-wooden-pinocchio-toy-in-close-up-photography-6172025/

#Lies #FakeFriends #CourtCase #TeenDrinking #Parenting #ParentingMistakes

Journey of Faith

Back to work

Our cruise was over after 7 beautiful days aboard a Carnival cruise ship. We went to Cape Canaveral, Nassau Bahamas, and to Freeport Bahamas. My husband and I had been to Nassau several times before, but Freeport was a first for all of us. The boys had never been out of the country let alone the Bahamas. The day leaving a cruise is always tiring. There’s a debarking process, that seems to have actually sped up since the first cruise we ever took. It still seemed to take forever though just to get off the thing. We then went through customs in Baltimore, then had to sit and wait for our ride to take us home. I have the cutest picture of my youngest son leaning against the suitcases with his straw hat he bought. He looks exhausted, but it’s adorable. I called it “the weary traveler”. My husband and I both had to return to work the next day, Monday. So, we were all anxious to get home, changed and unwind to prepare for the week ahead. Our oldest son had been asked to join the competition cheerleading team as a lifter. He and 2 other boys that he hung out and played football with joined the squad. Also, his new girlfriend at the time was on the team as well as one of the other boy’s girlfriends. They ended up enjoying it more than they expected. When we got home on June 14th, our son had to prepare to leave for a weeklong cheer camp leaving bright and early on Tuesday June 16th. The other two boys ended up not being able to go to this camp because the one was leaving to go on a week’s vacation with his family June 17th, and the other boy’s parents didn’t want to pay the expensive fee for the camp plus the $300 for the required clothing. I admit, we weren’t excited about it either. They were able to raise some of the money through fundraisers. My youngest son was out of school for the summer. We were just starting to allow him to be able to stay home alone. I worked about 10 minutes from home at the time and he knew he could call with anything he needed. Honestly, he was and still is one of those kids that would sleep most of the day, so I didn’t have much concern of him getting into trouble. When he was awake, at the time he was playing video games. He knew how to microwave himself certain things, I would buy him lunchables or he’d eat cereal. All things he really liked. I remember going into work that Monday and so excited to see my friend Jess. We’re still friends to this day! I showed her some pictures from our trip, she filled me in on the latest and greatest gossip from work while I was gone. There wasn’t much her and I didn’t share with each other. I think it made some people mad how well her and I got along. Over time of getting to know each other, we discovered that our stepdads were work partners at their job, she knew my cousin and his wife through a side hustle she’s done since she was a kid and where her dad works. Then years later, we found out that my nephew and her brother were friends all through high school. So yeah, we were meant to be friends and in each other’s lives. She would become one of my supporters through this ordeal. She was one of the ones that saw the entire thing unfold the day it happened. She told me recently that she still remembers that day like it was yesterday. How wrong the police and DA got it. To hear the media make it seem like I didn’t care or wasn’t remorseful. She is the one that saw me come to work and bawl my eyes out at my desk. She was the one that helped pull me together while at work. The days that I called out because it was too hard to get up and come in. Was I worried about me? NO! Remember they never filed charges until almost 1.5+ years later. I can never thank her enough for her love then and now. For her families love and support of all of us. I’m stalling to tell you what took place next. It’s hard. It hurts and sucks a lot. It makes me feel sick to think about it again. Everyone keeps telling me it’s WAY overdue to tell my story. I pray they are right. I pray that you are ready to hear it with an open heart.

Photo by mododeolhar: https://www.pexels.com/photo/anonymous-female-friends-embracing-on-spacious-meadow-5241772/

#FriendsForever #FriendSupport #WeAllNeedFriend #Friends #FemaleFriends

Journey of Faith

Big Girl Panties

I’ve been struggling the last few days. I’ve had a lot going on since I got home in June, good and well stuff that’s a pain. Not long after I got home my retina detached in my right eye AGAIN. I had two retinal detachments in the past. One in each eye. When this occurs, you eventually then need to have cataract surgery because of the trauma to the lenses in your eyes. I had that done back when I had the original retinal detachments. After the one in my left eye occurred, I developed scar tissue that needed to be removed. When you have cataract surgery, you develop a film eventually over the eye that needs to be zapped off with a laser. That’s NOT fun. It’s like someone snapping a rubber band in your eye. Luckily, I guess you could say that when I had the scar tissue removed, they took care of the film in that eye too. So, I didn’t need to be “aware” when that was being done to that eye. The surgery that I’ve had in my right eye this time has been upsetting to me. It’s not what I expected at all, and I’m frustrated. When you have a detachment, they go in and fix it a few different ways. One of the ways can end up with a gas bubble which is what I had before or an oil bubble which is what I had this time. There are definitely differences to both. Gas, I had to lay face down and it took months to absorb to go away. You also can’t see through it. The oil, you can see through it. You need to then have another surgery though to have the oil removed. Apparently, they will NEVER be able to get 100% of the oil out. I have been fighting constant eye pressure issues ever since the original surgery in June. I went to see my family in November and ended up getting sick on the plane because my pressure went crazy. It also seems that my hip and knees want to act up. They have been hurting constantly. I’m sorry, I’m complaining to all of you. It all just hit me yesterday and I was depressed. I’ve been through ALOT, and it just never seems to end. I’m not sure what the secret is to just not having one problem after another. I finally went and laid down on the sofa after working and fell asleep for a while. Today, I put on my big girl panties and I’m giving it another go. Wish me luck!

Photo by Roy Reyna: https://www.pexels.com/photo/wonder-woman-illustration-3180273/

#SuperWoman #Depressed #StrongWoman

Journey of Faith

The Cruise

Mother’s Day long passed, and we were getting excited as a family to go away. We decided to take the boys on a cruise to the Bahamas. I was also excited, because one of the stops was in Cape Canaveral, FL which meant that while others would be rushing off the boat to shop, I was going to see my friend Chris. Her and I have known each other before my husband, and I were a couple. We lost touch for a while, but then when I was working on the other side of Lancaster County, I ended up finding out that she was living close by. We met up for lunch and haven’t lost touch since. Our Cruise was going to be out of Baltimore for 7 days, June 7-14th. School was going to be out; we took off work. Everything was planned. We had another friend taking us to the airport and had arranged to make sure the dogs were taken care of. While we were on this trip, one of the many conversations we had with our older son was the fact that when we got back things were going to be changing regarding his friends coming over. Again, if you remember we went from the occasional sleepover and stop in, to them stopping by whenever they wanted. I would come out of my bedroom and there would be a kid lurking around with my son. I just didn’t like not knowing that someone was in my house without me knowing about it. I mean, what if I was half dressed? I didn’t make a habit of that, since we had sons, but you understand what I mean. We explained to him that, “this has got to stop”. Enough was enough. We felt taken advantage of and couldn’t figure out why they were clamoring to come over so often. I also, didn’t care for the fact that NM’s mom wanted to blow up my phone looking for her son that she couldn’t find. I had asked my son several times about this, because something just wasn’t sitting right with me. I had this feeling in my gut that something wasn’t right, but Stephen just said I was being overly dramatic. What I later found out was that this poor boy was afraid to go home. He was bouncing between our home and his aunt’s home, so he didn’t have to face his step father. From what I was told by family members, firsthand was that a few nights before this incident that I’ll get to later happened, his stepfather beat him with a 2×4. I don’t see anything wrong with spanking a child on the rear end but beating a kid with a 2×4 isn’t punishment. NM confided in my son and told him this. He tried to bring it up when he was on the stand but of course the DA shut it down immediately. No one wanted to paint the parents in any sort of bad light in front of the jury. Unfortunately, had we all known that this was one of many reasons that he didn’t want to go home and liked staying where he was loved, could laugh and feel safe, well There was even a time after we were arrested that two of NM’s sisters were not speaking to their mother. They went in front of the original judge and told him that they were not associated with her and were going to be testifying on our behalf. Some of the evidence that we received came from both of them during that time. The evidence that they provided to us, I will disclose later. Right before we went on this beautiful vacation, our oldest son fell in love. It just so happened that this girl’s father and SH’s father were cousins. NM’s aunt and I are best friends. This is a fact that no one ever knew and would barely come out. He spent a lot of our cruise trying to Facebook message or Facebook call her. We seemed to become instant friends with her parents and remain friends with them to this day. If I did something so terrible, would the family members like the cousin, great aunt/uncle of one boy and the aunt/uncle/cousin and numerous other relatives want to even talk to me? From the day that this all happened, instead all of them rallied around us and tore the case apart. Uncovering the lies, defending us when we didn’t even know about it. There was a time when I recall being at this girl’s graduation party. (My son’s new girlfriend). One of her dad’s aunts came up to him and apologized to him. She said, and I overheard it, so I know I wasn’t hearing incorrectly, she said, “I have found out a lot more about this case that I knew before and I’m sorry for the way I acted. I wish I would have known all of this before it was too late.” I don’t know who told her, how she found out, but someone set her record straight. This has happened continuously for us. I just wish that everyone that could see between the lies and crack were one of the twelve on the jury.

Photo by Pixabay: https://www.pexels.com/photo/sea-holiday-vacation-blue-69122/

#Teens #Teenagers #Parenting #ParentingMistakes #Parenting101 #TeenDrinking #Lies #NarcissisticPerson #Friendship

Bible Study

The Quiz

I thought this was an appropriate post for the beginning of the new year. Over the holiday, I heard this from someone one else. I can’t claim it as my own. A teacher walked into her classroom and passed out a paper to each of her students. On the paper was a small black dot. The rest of the paper was blank. She said, this is a quiz. I’d like each of you to write about what you see. After the quiz was over, she read the papers and what each student had written. She addressed the class. She said, “I gave each of you the same task. All of you wrote about the black dot on the page, but no one wrote about the white paper. We do this in life. We tend to focus on the blemish only and not the good that comes from it or all of the positive things that our life has provided. We only focus on what went wrong.” This struck me to want to tell you the good things. The things that no one seemed to want to talk about. I did share a great deal of the good things that happened to me while I was incarcerated. Aside from that, my life has always been pretty good because I have a great family, wonderful husband, I was blessed with beautiful sons and friends that love and believe in me. One of the things that would occur when these boys would stay over, was in the mornings we would make breakfast. I remember this one day in particular with NM woke up and asked if he could cook everyone toads in the hole. I think everyone calls them something different, but it’s basically toast with a hole in the middle of it and an egg cracked in the hole. You cook it until the eggs cooked and then serve them. This gave him so much joy to be able to cook for everyone and show off his cooking skills. DG never seemed to have a girlfriend. One time, he showed up at the house with a blow-up doll. I was embarrassed for him. I didn’t think it was appropriate to bring this, but then it was funny. It was DG. Always the jokester and trying to make everyone laugh. One of the things that SH would do every single time he left was he would stop and say to my husband and I, “thanks for having me over”. This phrase still lingers with me to this day. One of the other things that the DA wanted to try to make an issue out of, was the fact that they all called me “Momma Jods”. I didn’t ask them to, but I suppose it was better than the alternative that NM called his mom which was “The Warden”. When I went to jail/prison anyone younger than me automatically called me Mom, Mommy (which seemed to be a Spanish thing), Momma T, etc. So, this was obviously more a sign of respect rather than calling me Mrs. X. I wasn’t any different to those there than I was with these young gentlemen. I wasn’t serving them alcohol either obviously. One example that occurred while I was at Cambridge was my roommate came in and said that a young girl was looking for me that she had a question. My roommate was shocked because she said, “am I finding out something new about you?” I said, “I’m not sure, it depends on what she wants.” I went out and here she wanted to know who the artist was that sang a particular song. Apparently, It got out that I had a wide genre of music on my tablet. Also, that I was pretty good at naming the title of the song and the artist. I’m sorry if that shocked anyone, but I got this honestly from my parents. They both have/had a love of music. My dad used to get frustrated with me because I knew the words to songs more than my math homework. It was silly things like this though that helped me develop a rapport with other inmates and not get my ass kicked. I believe that these young men also respected me because I respected them and treated them respectfully and didn’t treat them like children. If this is the black dot on my white paper. I’m sorry.

#Teens #Teenagers #TeenDrinking #TeenAlcohol #Parenting #ParentingMistakes #Parenting101